One of my favorite shows on television right now is OWN’s Fix Your Life featuring Iyanla Vanzant. This show focuses on people that have issues that affect them moving forward in their lives or obstructing their peace. Ms. Vanzant provides insight on how to overcome the issues the people are facing. At the beginning of each episode, there is an introduction where Ms. Vanzant speaks about having to do the work to put her broken life back together again. This statement about having to do the “work” is a powerful statement because to fix anything; someone has to work. There is no getting around taking the necessary steps to bring organization to the disorganization of life. And more often than not, we know how to make our situations better; however, we just avoid the process because of difficulties we perceive we will encounter.
Maybe you must forgive someone for past discretions. Take the necessary steps to do this. Often forgiveness has little to do with the person you are trying to forgive but everything to do with you internally. So, if forgiveness is the obstacle that is keeping you from fixing your life, then forgive. I am not saying that this is easy, in fact, it will be difficult. However, to free yourself, you must forgive others. Make up in your mind that you have already forgiven the person who has wronged you. Then work toward forgiving that person daily. Follow these steps until you can see the person and are no longer offended by their past actions.
Maybe to fix your life, you need to gain additional knowledge to pursue your goals. If this is the case, then research various educational options. Take an online course. Find someone that is already doing what you desire to do and ask them what steps did they take to get there. Furthermore, request that the person become your mentor so that you will have the assistance needed to navigate unchartered waters.
Or just maybe, you have some sort of addiction, and you need to tackle this so that you can fix your life. My advice, my friend, is not to try to do it alone. Develop a support group that enlists friends, family, and professionals that can provide you the resources and supports you need to become addiction free. Make sure you acknowledge small steps because those steps can have a significant impact. Remember, overcoming addiction is not easy but so worth it!
Whatever it takes to fix your life; you must do the work. The benefits outweigh the process. A wise person once said, “Anything worth having is worth working for.” Your goals, dreams, and peace of mind are worth having. Therefore, do the work! Do what it takes to put the damaged areas of your life back together. I know you can do it and when you do, don’t forget to share your story. Your words may help someone else take the steps they need to fix their life.
I serve as the caregiver for my mother who suffered a stroke a few years ago. As a result of this illness, her left side remains weak. One morning, as we were preparing for our day, she called me into her bedroom. As I entered her room, I find her sitting on the floor. She had slid from the edge of her bed onto the floor and was unable to get up. We were the only ones in the house, so I did not have any help in getting her off the floor.
After several unsuccessful attempts, I realized that she, indeed, had the strength to get herself off the floor. So instead of me trying to become a powerlifter, I became her coach. I placed a chair on her right side, and I was on her left side. I told her to “Plant your feet and PUSH! Push with everything you got in you!” Her first attempt was unsuccessful, however, when at first you don’t succeed, try again. During her second attempt, she pushed herself up so high that she was higher than the seat of the chair. Therefore, all I had to do was pull the chair under her, so that she could sit down.
Sometimes we don’t realize that we have everything within us that we need to do those things that we desire to do. We sit back and talk ourselves out of our visions, hopes, and dreams. STOP it! Some of us try, but after several unsuccessful attempts, we give up. After my mother’s ordeal was over, she was a little out of breath, but I could see on her face, the personal accomplishment she felt. When you are exhausted from several attempts, give it another try. You can do it; you have everything in you that you need to succeed.
Therefore, PLANT YOUR FEET AND PUSH! Push with everything you have in you! Push out the business ventures, the new investments, the promotions…and remember to share your successes with me because I know you will be able to do anything that you set your mind to do.
When traumatic events occur in your life, you often try to suppress your feelings and emotions to continue on with the normal routine of your life. You begin to throw yourself into work or other tasks, as to not focus on the hurt. Before you are able to realize that you are not living up to your fullest potential, years have passed you by. These events have a way of resurfacing through bad attitudes, mean spirits, depression, or just an overall sullen mood. In order to move forward, you must revisit that period of time, that sad or bad place, the emotions, and the events, to begin to heal from them.
This is not an easy process but the overall goal is to move past your trauma to begin to live again. It took me years to talk about being a survivor of domestic violence. However, there is a freedom that comes with being able to discuss the hurt that came from the hands of someone that is suppose to love and cherish you. You are not what has happened to you but who you become as a result of it: I am a survivor!
It is time to free yourself from past hurts, past traumas, past abandonment so that you can live in this moment and enjoy the things around you. Allow yourself the freedom to revisit the past so that you will also be free to let it go. Release the fear, shame, or hurt that is associated with the events. If the process becomes too intense or overwhelming, please seek out assistance. You don’t have to go through it alone. There are licensed professionals that are trained to ensure that you will come through this process better than you began it. Seek out family and friends for support and encouragement. As Iyanla would say, “It’s time to do the work.”